Good Grief: Is There Really Such a Thing?

There are so many things I’d like to update you all on, but for now I want to address something very serious. Recently, a dear family member of mine transitioned into the afterlife. I haven’t experienced such a significant loss since I was a little boy; barely old enough to really grasp the concept of death. 

It isn’t my intention to be morbid in this post, but instead to focus on grief and the nuances that come along with it. Days before the funeral I kept thinking about the phrase ‘good grief’ and how often we say it in conversation. It’s an exclamatory phrase, often expressing annoyance, frustration, or surprise. In the weeks that have passed, I have felt all three meanings of the expression. I have sat in grief, and observed it’s stages. 

When I found out the news of my Aunt’s passing, I frustratingly said to myself “good grief…” As I had been dealing with some other really tough situations, and a death in the family was the cherry on top. In preparation for the funeral, I said to myself again, “good grief.” This time in annoyance, because [black] family funerals are always a toss up. You ever know how things are going to go. I felt annoyed at the idea of having to go and face people that I haven’t seen in years--people that might not be receptive to the person I’ve become. Tears were shed day after day, but when the actual day of the funeral came, peace made an appearance in my spirit. 

It’s no secret that I’m a little emotional. I feel everything that happens to me, sometimes too deeply. On the day of my Aunt’s final earthly gathering, salty tears cascaded down my face, hidden beneath my mask. This cry wasn’t one of deep sorrow, as I had already had several of those. This cry was solely because I finally realized how much I was going to miss her. Even still, I felt peace. When it was my turn to speak, again I said to myself, “good grief”, because I was surprised at my ability to speak without falling apart. My tears dried and I spoke of her as if she were sitting in the front row, beaming at me.

Throughout the last few weeks I’ve come to understand that although grief isn’t good entirely, it has its stages.

I found the good in my grief by reflecting over all the memories I have of her; not one of them bitter or angry. 

I found the good in my grief by making peace with the face that although she may not physically be here, remnants of her spirit still exist within me. 

I found the good in my grief by letting every tear fall, despite my pride and desire to be strong. 

I can’t say that this has prepared me for another loss in the future, and I hope it’s a very long time before I experience this feeling again. But I can say that I’ve been inspired to love harder, laugh longer, take more pictures, and record more videos. We are never too busy for love. To my Aunt Julia, better known as my Aunt ‘JuJu’, you will be dearly missed. Until next time, old friend.