I Forgive You, and I Forgive Me Too

Music is an integral part of my morning commute to work. It serves as a way for me to center my thoughts before the day becomes chaotic. It also validates my experiences and the feelings that are associated with those experiences. As of late, I’ve been receiving a resounding message about forgiveness. It shows up in some of my favorite songs (Heart of the Matter by India Arie, I Forgive You by Rachelle Pharrell) and also in other forms of media that I consume.

I may have spoken about it before, but I feel obliged to speak about it again because forgiveness really is a never-ending hallway. Just when you think you’ve worked through old feelings, they re-emerge from doors you thought you locked forever. Forgiveness is tricky in that way.

I’m at a point in my life where I’m working to forgive myself. We often focus on the things that other people have done to us—how the choices they’ve made affect us. But what about the things that we knowingly allow? At some point I have to look in the mirror and recognize myself as accomplice to the emotional crimes that have taken place. The phrase “people only do what you allow” can definitely be seen as a cliche.. but some cliche’s are really just truths with a face we’ve seen too many times.

When you commit a harmful act against yourself, or allow someone else to be a repeat offender, you play a role in your own destruction. The act of forgiving yourself is novel because you spend more time with yourself than anyone else ever will. If you decide not to forgive someone else, you can block them or distance yourself in an attempt to forget about the situation. That’s nearly impossible when you are the one who needs forgiveness.

Take a moment to consider things you still may be holding onto. Bad decisions you’ve made, or things you wish you would have done differently. Forgive yourself for not knowing the things you know now. I am forgiving myself for so many things. And working to treat myself with love and compassion in all the days to come.

I forgive you, and I forgive me too.